Blog Name: Lee on Lee

I am today reminded of the time I spent in New Zealand with those young lads that played the Hobbits as the youngsters arrive at my door for their Halloween treats. Ahh memories that stay with me still.

“Tell us stories of your time as Dracula” the young actors would whine all huddled round me every waking hour.

But I would wave them away, “You’re too young. Too green. I could tell you stories but you’d never be able to sleep afterwards, my boys.”

“Then tell us stories of all them orgies in the Wicker Man and all the naked women” they’d insist.

“My dear young fellows, that kind of story is for men, not boys like you. Come back when you are older. You wouldn’t understand.” I would say, looking at their disappointed little faces.

But they’d go on, insisting I regale them of my mastery of the craft and my life as a thespian. They’d hang about my trailer waiting for scraps of genius to fall from my table, hoping to grasp the secret of my longevity and success.

But I send them away and they’d seek solace in the pub with the rest of the cast where they all tried to get off with Liv Tyler. Yes they wanted me there, I know deep down; too scared to ask me to come in case I declined. In awe of me, probably.

But I’m beyond all that hanging out with the cast type nonsense. I’m a professional you see. And they respected that. That’s why they never asked.

And if this blog wasn’t anonymous I’d mention the name cheeky young Hobbit bastard that stuck a condom to the hem of my white cloak before I went on set and challenged McKellen to pick it off unseen with his staff whilst filming that fight scene. Bloody stage school bastards. And where is he now, eh??? Where IS that snivelling little curly haired midget NOW?