Blog Name: French Sex and How To Do It

Hi, my name is Nicholas Zarkozy and because i am French, i am an expert on all things to do with sex, including areas such as

• What it is
• Where it is
• How things work
• Nasty rashes
• Disco music

In this blog i will present to you a number of ways in which you can spice up your sex life. So, buckle up and hang on, we're going on the sex rollercoaster down the Orgasm Peage to le paradis en France!!

Relationships

A stable relationship is very important, so i have several and, being French, i am able to satisfy all my women at the same time. This is crucial. If you are not French, or worse, English, you can not do this. You must only have the one relationship, else you will not satisfy any of your women and you will have to ask a nearby frenchman to help them achieve their orgasms.

Where to get sex

I get my best sex in the kitchen, where i take the scullery maid roughly from behind while she is grooming my poodle. Sometimes, i get sex almost as good when i am in a traffic jam and beautiful parisien women slide through the windows of my citroen and take my powerful french manhood in their gasping mouths, until the lights change and i have to beat them away with my fists. Occasionally, gorgeous film stars arrive at my house disguised as telephone repair women and i have brutal, french sex with them under the stairs where the junction box is.

Sex positions

The best positions depend on how many of you there are. Being French, i am usually surrounded by several beautiful women, all of whom are biting and scratching each other to be the first to receive my powerful french manhood. In this instance, i adopt the l'autobus position, IE three come at once. Sometimes i get bored however and go outside to smoke gauloises and write another chapter for my book on philosophy.

The G Spot

There is no such thing as the G Spot. Beautiful french women would not need one in any case as they are permanently in a state of arousal, on account of being close to so many virile, thrusting french men. English women may possibly have a G spot. I don't know. Probably no one does, least of all english men.

Lesbians

In France, lesbians are now accepted as legal in certain cities, although in rural areas, they are still traditionally tarred and feathered every Sunday, after Mass. NB this only applies to ugly lesbians in large and unfashionable shoes. Beautiful lesbians in nice clothes are welcome in most shops and restaurants.

Disco music

Music is very important to the French People which is why Sacha Distel is still popular, despite being dead. We French like to have wild sex whilst listening to music. I like to listen to marching bands of the French Foreign Legion whilst spanking my secretary, and her three sisters, with asparagus tips. After that, we play selections from La Cage aux Folies while they rub my nipples with coq au vin. We French do not play disco music as self abuse is still punishable by death.

Next time i shall explore the darker side of sex. Animals, corpses, dungeons. Yes, i'll be chatting to my great friend, Max Moseley. In the meantime i shall stay anonymous, otherwise Prime Minister Brown will be pestering me for tips on how to get girls. Au revoir!