It's a sad fact that Britain is not the country it used to be. We live in a country that is just a shadow of its former self. And who should we blame? Teenagers, that's who.
Now, I appreciate a good tune just like anyone else. I'm quite happy to tap a foot to any beat combo which knows how to get down on it. However, the recording artists of today are just a bunch of lazy yobs. They spend all day pushing cocaine up their noses, then once a month they nip into the recording studio to see if the engineer has finished programming their drum machine so that they can add the vocals. And the lyrics don't make any sense anyway, because they were written on the back of a groupie whilst having intimate relationships in the back of a stretch limo on the way to yet another dance hall where they'll spend all night pushing cocaine up their noses and then jumping up and down to unearthly howling noises known as 'acidic bungalow' music.
It is a fact that dress sense is a skill that must be learnt, and it takes time and practice before a chap can dress himself with any degree of style or flair. Clearly, this is a skill which the youth of today have all but abandoned. I often see young chaps sporting multi-coloured hair, their faces skewered by various items of cutlery, shuffling along the street in trousers that could well have been used to deliver a cubic yard of gravel from a DIY superstore. None of them own a sensible pair of shoes, preferring to encase their feet in orthopaedic boots or possibly sandals made of recycled lentils. I also weep at the sight of so many young chaps failing to grasp that on a baseball cap, the sticking-out bit goes at the front.
Cars, of course, are very important to a young chap and always have been. But whereas in my day, a chap would take a nice young girl into the country for a stroll by the river, the grunting youth of 2009 can only assemble the strength, and indeed the intelligence, to steer his plastic-encrusted monstrosity of a hatchback to the local burger shop where he meets with other like minded simpletons to eat greasy food and listen to unearthly howling noises pumping out of stereo systems that are only slightly smaller than the plastic-encrusted monstrosities that house them.
I don't like to complain, however. Teenagers, no matter how repulsive, often grow up into charming young people. Just occasionally it goes horribly wrong, and then you end up with Margaret Thatcher, or maybe Hitler, or Jeremy Clarkson. Sometimes, owing to all the greasy food, they don't grow 'up' at all, and then you get Richard Hammond. Personally, I blame the Government, which is why I started smoking pipes, so that I could prod people with them in the public bar, whilst blaming the Government. Then they banned smoking. Bastards.
I should keep this anonymous, or else Clarkson will get wind of it, and then get very annoyed because he didn't think of it and now he can't put it into another of his flaming 'best selling' potboilers about bugger all. Oh well.
2 comments:
I'm only 20 but I despise teenagers too and feel like I was born in the wrong century sometimes. Very good blog, dude. Keep it up!
Thank you, Mr Demon. You are clearly a bright fellow. Do you make stuff in a shed? Most bright chaps have a history of making stuff in sheds. That's how all the great inventions came about.
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